Those Handcuffs Aren't Mine
by xXKanpekiXx
Summary: Lavi makes an interesting discovery. Suggested Yullen.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

I think this is just a wee bit crappy, but I'd been working on it for so long that I thought I'd post it anyway. Please enjoy.

Check out my profile and please vote in the pole! I do not really know what to write and I'm tired and drinking Leninade (no typo there hahah) (A party in every bottle!) More Yullen on the way!

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The mission well had dried up yet again and the resident rabbit was bored.

Or, in layman's terms, Lavi had nothing to do, which is not a good thing. The last time Lavi was left alone without something to do, Kanda somehow got pretty pigtails and Lavi was found running down the halls of the Black Order with a pair of black lace panties strung about his head. They were Lenalee's, so Komui ended up needing medical attention after breaking his hand against Lavi's face. They didn't talk for a week, but somehow, the tension lifted for no apparent reason. Possibly because Komui had finished his eventual plans to kill off the bunny and Lavi had completely forgotten about the incident.

The Black Order refused to deal with that sort of thing again, so you can see why they scrambled to come up with a task…err…suitable for the curious bookman.

And they found it.

And they prayed no outraged exorcist would kill them as they slept for this.

The Black Order was allowing Lavi to do a routine inspection of all the rooms.

Sounds like the worst idea ever, but he would have more chaperones than a middle school dance and the inhabitant of the room would be allowed, and recommended, to supervise. Komui thought this would be enough to avert any impending disaster. Boy was he wrong. He had every intention of revising his plans, making things as Lavi-proof as possible, but Lenalee walked in with that coffee…suffice to say it didn't happen.

Komui shrugged as he sipped from his luxurious pink rabbit mug. 'It'll all work out in the end.' He thought as he dispatched the ecstatic bunny on his quest to invade the privacy of his colleagues.

Technically, he was only to check for asbestos or other dangerous substances (like gnomes. Dangerous little buggers they are…), but that wasn't good enough for Lavi. No, he always reached higher. And as fate would have it, Kanda decided to train a bit later than usual, starting his "late morning workout" at around 4 a.m.

As such, Kanda was designated as Lavi's first victim.

Pouting as he discovered Kanda's room to be quite plain. Bunny entered the room, prodding about, poking through what few barren drawers Kanda had. He found an extra sword, some casual clothing that had never been touched (slacks and a sweater vest) for good reason, apparently. He also had a key tied with a red ribbon on his nightstand and that lone lotus. Other than that, the space was emaciated, crying out for decoration; a plea amplified by the scattered bloodstains that looked rather recent…

Next, just down the hall, came Lenalee's room. And, to avoid another underwear related incident, Lavi had a full guard holding his hands.

The astounding thing is he still managed to fit a pair of Lenalee's delicates on his head.

Every man in the Black Order, excluding Komui who was kept out of the loop for obvious reasons, gained a new respect for Lavi that day.

Nothing worth note transpired in Krory's, Noise's, etc's rooms. Miranda broke something in hers and flipped out, apologizing to Lavi…for breaking one of her possessions…

Finally, it was time.

Lavi stood at the threshold, absolutely shaking with anticipation, jumping in his guards as if to congratulate them for getting so far.

It was time to inspect Allen's room.

Lavi liked Allen a lot, having found a buddy willing to harass Yuu-pon with him, but even his extreme fidelity to the Moyashi could not stop Lavi as he barged his way into Allen's room. Well, it was certainly worth the extra enthusiasm. Strangely patterned coffins lined the walls, abstract clown paintings occupying the drab wall space. Allen had his clothes unpacked in his closet and the bed was neatly made. The only piece of furniture that brought any normalcy to the room was located in the very corner: a small armoire. Lavi jumped at it.

He ripped open each drawer, shuffling through the disappointing effects. The most embarrassing thing he could find was a long pink ribbon. Allen chuckled nervously and explained that he wore the ribbon with his casual attire, but when he washed the red silk tie, the color faded to that alluring pink. Lavi, not feeling the need to ask Allen's permission to purloin one of his belongings, pocketed the pink silk strip and continued on with the inspection. The rabbit set his unpatched eye on the on the top drawer and he conducted himself maturely, tugging on the handle calmly. But it didn't budge. He pulled a little hard, holding his placid composition very well.

Then, he lost it.

Curiosity killed the cat, but it doesn't say anything about rabbits.

His fervent, violent efforts startled Allen, making him hesitate before commenting.

"Err…Lavi…that drawer is…uhh…stuck. It doesn't open without the key…which I don't have." Allen said hastily, scratching the back of his head. Lavi scowled, but his bounciness struck him and he hopped out with a jolly wave. He fingered the silk ribbon, looking at the tie with a confused expression donning his adorable face.

'…This ribbon doesn't look like the color faded. It looks as if it was pink to begin with. The color's constant, no splotches. No red color could fade that much in one wash…say…Kanda had a red ribbon attached to a random…key…' He screeched to a shuddering halt in the middle of the torch lit hallway and doubled back, nearly toppling his guards.

"AAAH! I forget something in Yuu's room…G'bye!" Lavi yelled, speeding around the corner. His bodyguards would have stopped him or at least supervised, but it was the end of their shift and they were hungry enough to deal with Jerry's faggotry. So Lavi went about his quest unsupervised, just calling for disaster. He burst into Kanda's room with no consideration for the fact that Kanda might have been in there.

Changing.

An instant blast of icy wind slapped in him the face.

"You son of a" He was cut off as Lavi tossed a small golden orb in the air. It was the Snitch or something that he's stolen from a four-eyed kid. Realizing he'd thrown the wrong flying golden orb, Lavi threw out Timcanpy, made sure he stored some nice pictures, and instructed the golem to show his master this "vital information." Kanda was caught between chasing after the small flying blackmail orb and murdering a bunny. For the time being, he chose the former. He threw on a nearby pair of pants and dashed out the door in search of his tiny enemy, an act that left Lavi completely alone in his room.

Kanda made a bad decision.

Well, the curious bookkeeper moseyed on over to the nightstand and stole the key. He scooted out of the room, hell bent on not being there when Kanda got back. As he zoomed past a few flustered exorcists, Lavi examined the "bloodstained" ribbon attached to the small brass key. He was surprised to find the "blood" to be ink. It looked exactly like the Moyashi's casual ribbon. Lavi reached for the pink ribbon as well and started intensely at it, trading concentration for caution as he didn't exactly look where he was going. Getting up after he fell down a few stairs, he rushed to the Moyashi's room.

He glanced at his Hello Kitty McDonald's Happy Meal watch prize, glad to see it was dinner time. Not that he was going to eat, which he should have because he'd skipped lunch, but Allen was feeding and the slaughter gave inquisitive Lavi at least an hour to infiltrate and accomplish his goal. He summoned all his cunning and stealth as he walked in the door and strolled over to Allen's desk. Lavi started at the small key again.

'What am I doing? There's no way the key from Yuu's room would work. But Yuu has nothing to open and the key has Allen's ribbon tied to it… It's worth a shot.' Lavi thought as he lowered the key to the lock.

It didn't fit.

Then, Lavi, never one to give up so easily, flipped the key over and put the sharp end in the hole, ecstatic to see that the key indeed fit into the lock.

And then, Lavi walked away and forgot all about it.

Just kidding.

That would never happen.

Ever.

Lavi yanked that bitch wide open. Lo and behold, in that thin drawer, laid a pair of fuzzy black love handcuffs. Bunny was stunned. He stood motionless, dumbfounded by his findings. But Bunny didn't stay stunned for long. He snatched that fuzzy handholder of love and he waited…

Allen yawned as he trudged back to his room. He never liked moving after he feasted and he had put in many requests to anyone but Komui to have a system built where you sit on a chair and a conveyer belt whirrs you to your room. Allen finished his thought as he opened his door. He flicked on the light and screamed for there, on his bed, was Lavi playing with a pair of S&M handcuffs.

"L-Lavi! You scared me. What are you doing?" Moyashi asked, trying to be nonchalant. The redhead smiled, then standing up as Kanda walked by the doorway clutching a quite damaged Timcanpy in his left hand.

"Hi, Yuu! Come here!" He pulled the long haired beauty in from the hallway and sat him next to the fair haired Brit.

"What is this you stupid rabbit?" Kanda barked, crossing his arms in a show of hostility.

"Now, now, Yuu, I just wanted to show you something. I don't know who it belongs to." Lavi took his hands from behind his back. In them, he held the handcuffs.

Let's be blunt here, those handcuffs totally belonged to Allen and Kanda. It was a shared ownership; they sure as hell used them, but they weren't about to let people know. Allen managed a good poker face, knowing that his intuition was dead on, but Kanda wasn't able to.

"T-Those handcuffs aren't mine!"

"DAMN IT BAKANDA!" Allen screeched, knowing his secret lover had given them away.

...No one fools Lavi.

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Wew totally finished this! I've been meaning to for a loooooooooong time. Hope you enjoyed!


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